


Resonances

by elaine



Category: due South
Genre: M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-04-11
Updated: 1999-04-11
Packaged: 2018-11-10 20:10:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11133864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaine/pseuds/elaine
Summary: Hospitalised, Ben has some decisions to make.





	Resonances

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Resonances

 

# Resonances

The hospital room was dim, what light there was concentrated on the battered, motionless figure in the bed. The watcher shifted restlessly in his chair, and glanced across at the bed. The doctors had said there was no brain damage, and that he could wake at any time, but for five days, he hadn't moved. The doctors had shrugged. Perhaps he's just not ready to wake, had been the only explanation they'd offered.

It wasn't very comforting. All he could do was watch and wait.

*

The sun was bright against his closed lids, and Ben tightened them, briefly, before surrendering and opening his eyes. The sky above him was clear of even the wispiest cloud. He smiled a little and drew in a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scents of spring in the Territories. He pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked around him. All around him was flat tundra, with the mountains no more than a pale shadow in the distance.

The lassitude of sleep had drained completely away now, and Ben sat up, then stood. It should, perhaps, have surprised him that he was naked, but it didn't. Some part of him had already accepted that this was a dream. He looked down at his body and noticed immediately that the scars on his thigh from Carver's knife and McFadden's bullet had disappeared. He seemed slimmer too, and had none of the aches that were the legacy of a lifetime of taking risks.

Memories began to slip away, until his decision to enter the RCMP was the most recent memory he could recall. His eighteenth year, then. A moment later that thought, too, was forgotten, and the dream claimed him completely.

He began walking, in no particular direction, enjoying the feel of the tough grasses beneath his feet and the warmth of the sun on his body. After a few metres he began to run, just to feel the soft breeze against his skin. He was alone, free. He laughed aloud at the pleasure of it and spun in circles, his arms spread wide.

Sobriety returned eventually and he began to walk again, feeling the sense of something that needed to be done. It was easy enough. He'd learned years ago, from Quinn, how to set a pace that would maximise the distance he could travel without exhausting himself. Time passed, endlessly, but he had no awareness of hunger, thirst, or tiredness. It didn't occur to him that he should be feeling any of those things. Still, he began to wonder whether he was doing the right thing. There was no sign of any life but the insects and birds he saw occasionally.  
No hint of what he was here to do.

He tried changing direction, but found, soon enough, that he was back on the same bearing he'd been following all along. Ben shrugged. It seemed he'd been on the right track, now all he had to do was follow it to its conclusion.

Just at the point when Ben was about to give up and turn back he noticed a faint smudge on the horizon. A long time later, it resolved into a small township. The kind of township that was scattered all over the Territories, inhabited by Inuit, for the most part. Ben headed towards it.

The township was deserted. Ben walked along the shambling strip that passed for a road, between closed and silent houses hardly larger than his father's cabin. He didn't call out. There was obviously no point. Still, something was drawing him to one particular house.

There was nothing at all special about it. Nothing that would distinguish it from any of the others, but he knew that this was his destination. He stepped up onto the veranda and hesitated in front of the door, reluctant to knock. It wasn't necessary. A couple of heartbeats later, the door opened, and Ben stood face to face with a complete stranger.

The stranger seemed just as surprised as Ben. They stared at each other in silence for long minutes, then the stranger smiled. "Hey, Benny." He had an American accent.

Ben nearly laughed. What a ridiculously childish name. The fact that this stranger knew him came as no real surprise, though. Much more puzzling things than this had happened in dream journeys he'd undertaken in the past.

"What's _your_ name?" He would have blushed to speak so abruptly in the real world, but here it was different. As he'd expected, the stranger took no offence.

"It's Ray." The stranger's smile was warm and inviting.

Ben eyed the other man uncertainly. He didn't look anything like anybody he'd ever seen before, but then, he'd never met an American before. He'd grown up mostly around Inuit who were tall enough, but sturdily built. This man was tall and slender, with olive skin and a face dominated by a large nose and almost translucent green eyes. The eyes were watching him expectantly.

The fact that he was naked didn't matter at all to Ben, but he felt curiously ill at ease when he had to look up slightly to meet the stranger's eyes. Somehow, it just didn't feel right. Ben's eyes dropped to the loose bright shirt and were caught by the small tuft of dark chest hair showing in the open neck. This time he _did_ blush.

The stranger... Ray... didn't seem to mind. He moved aside. "Why don't you come in?"

Inside, the house was normal enough. You never could tell what you might find in a dream like this. Ben glanced around the small lounge and moved over to the window on the other side of the room. He could see Ray's reflection close behind him. The American was watching him with a disconcerting intensity.

"How old are you Benny?" Warm breath flowed over his shoulder, almost sensually, and Ben shivered.

He turned and looked up into the green eyes rather defiantly. "I'm eighteen."

All his life people had responded with amusement when he told them his age, but Ray's smile was almost sad. "I always wondered... You're beautiful. Did you know that?"

Ben blushed painfully. He wasn't beautiful. He was too pale and his eyes were the wrong colour, and his teeth weren't sharp enough. But Ray seemed sincere, so he said nothing.

Ray touched his cheek lightly, then let his hand drop back to his side. "Do you know why we're here, Benny?"

Ben shook his head. "Do you know me? Who _are_ you?"

The answer was unexpected. "You're my friend, Benny. My... my best friend."

"But..." Ben thought about that a moment. "How old are you?"

"Thirty six." Ray seemed puzzled by the question for a moment, then he grinned. "So are you."

It seemed a lifetime away. It _was_ a lifetime, from where he stood now. Ben tried to imagine himself at the age of thirty-six, and this man's friend, and failed.

Ray moved away and sat on the old couch, leaning back and stretching his arms out along the top. "Maybe we're meant to wait for something. Whaddaya think?"

He hadn't really thought about it, but Ben was quite sure that Ray was wrong. He frowned. "I don't think so." He wandered restlessly around the room, finally ending up in front of the door which must lead to the bedroom.

Embarrassed, Ben turned away, and caught a faint grin on Ray's face. The American stood and strolled towards him. As Ben hesitated, Ray reached past him and opened the door.

Instead of a bedroom, the door opened onto a large, dingy looking room, full of people. Beside him Ray stiffened and muttered something under his breath.

"Do you know this place, Ray?" It was the first time he'd used his companion's name and it felt a little awkward. He looked at Ray in time to see a sweet, tender smile cross the American's face.

Ray shrugged. "Yeah, it's the Precinct. You remember it, Benny?" 

"No. Have I been there?" It seemed inconceivable that he should ever have been in such a place.

"Yeah. That's where we met." Ray glanced at him rather nervously. "You came to Chicago looking for your father's killers."

Ben felt as though he'd been punched in the solar plexus. He had been, once, and it hadn't been pleasant at all. "Dad...?"

"Damn. You don't know anything about what's happened, do you?" Ray looked a little sick himself.

He shook his head, still in shock, and Ray put an arm around him. Ben leaned against him, feeling shaky. "You OK?"

He nodded. "I went to Chicago?" Ben's voice broke, and Ray's arms tightened around him. He could smell the cologne the American was wearing, strangely familiar. Ray's hand, stroking his bare back was comforting.

The hand stopped suddenly and Ben was abruptly released. "Turn around, Benny."

Ben turned obediently, felt a light touch on his back and a shaken breath from behind him. "It's gone..." He turned again, but Ray was under control.

"What's gone, Ray?"

"There was a scar. On your back." Ray forced a smile. "I guess if you're only eighteen, it wouldn't be there yet."

He frowned at the thought of that. Ben wasn't sure he wanted to know about any injuries he might face in the future. If his future was tied in with this man's at all... But if it wasn't, then why were they here together?

Ray was frowning. Then his eyes widened. "I know! I know why we're here, Benny." He hurried on before Ben could ask. "You were hurt. Unconscious. The doctors said there was no medical reason for you not to wake, but it's been five days."

It made sense. "You came here to wake me?" But, in that case, why hadn't he woken? There must be something they had to do, though nothing obvious occurred to him. "Why wouldn't I want to wake?"

Ray only shrugged. And looked back through the door. "I dunno. Maybe we need to find out."

"All right." At least it was a plan, Ben thought. A better one than staying where they were, waiting for enlightenment. "Let's go, Ray."

*

Nobody seemed to notice that he was naked. After a moment Ben relaxed again. The room was full of people and noise and smells, not all of them pleasant ones. Ray led him across the room to a desk set in a corner.

"Hi Fraser." Ben looked up, somewhat belatedly, to find a pretty young woman smiling at him.

Ray rolled his eyes. "Hi Elaine."

Taking his cue, Ben echoed the greeting, far more politely.

She smiled at Ben. "Anything I can help you with, Ray?"

"I'm fine, thank you _kindly_ , Elaine." Ray's voice was distinctly sarcastic.

It didn't seem to bother, or even surprise Elaine. She smiled at Ben again and wandered away.

"That wasn't very polite, Ray. She seemed to like you." Ben's voice was reproachful.

"No, Benny, she likes _you_. So do most of the other women around here." It didn't seem to please Ray at all.

Ben blinked in astonishment. "They do?"

Ray grinned at him suddenly. "Yeah. They do." He stared down at the desk in disgust. "I don't think there's anything here that'll help. Let's go."

As they walked across the room, Ben tried to find something to say. "So you're a police officer?"

"Raymond Vecchio, Detective, Chicago PD. District twenty seven."

"Pleased to meet you, Detective." Ben held out his hand politely, and Ray took it. "Do I come here often?"

Ray laughed. "Benny, you practically _live_ here. When you're not at the Consulate. That's where you work. You're in the RCMP."

"I know." Ben smiled at Ray's surprise. "I decided a few months ago to apply."

"OK. Well, anyway, you've been here about three years. You help me out in your spare time. It gives you an excuse to interfere in people's lives." Ray glanced at him. "Any ideas yet?"

Ben shook his head, then stepped aside as a tall black man came towards them.

"Oh, hi Fraser. Good to see you." Unexpectedly the man stopped. "Vecchio, have you seen the files on the extortion case?"

"Nah, I've been busy. Ask Elaine." Ray grabbed Ben's arm and pulled him forward. "Come on. Let's get outta here."

It seemed like every other step, someone would call out a greeting to Ben. He managed to smile politely and respond, but by the time they reached the double doors, his head was spinning.

"Ray, are all these people my friends?" It was almost a daunting prospect. He'd never had many friends. Certainly never so many all in one place at one time. He wondered why, if he had so many friends in Chicago, he was lying in a hospital bed somewhere not wanting to wake up.

"Sure they are, Benny. Everybody likes you. Well, almost everybody." Ray indicated a red-haired woman in a smart suit. "We _really_ gotta get out of here." He pushed the door open.  
_  
_ *

They were in a reception area. The desk held a small Canadian flag, along with the more usual office paraphernalia. Ben looked at Ray. "Is this the Consulate?"

"Yeah." Ray hunched his shoulders. He didn't seem very happy to be here. "Maybe we should get outta here before the Dragon Lady appears."

"Dragon Lady?" Ben stood his ground. He was sure they were there for a reason.

"She's your boss." Ray looked around furtively. "Meg Thatcher." He strode over to a door and hesitated, his hand on the doorknob. "Let's try this one."

It opened into an office, obviously in the same building. A tall, grey haired man in crumpled casual clothing stood staring out the window. Ray froze and tried to back out, but Ben was behind him, blocking the way.

"Benny, you shouldn't go in there." Ray turned and pushed  
at him.

Ben resisted. "I think I should, Ray." His eyes widened suddenly. "I know him."

He heard Ray cursing under his breath, but ignored it. He'd known Sgt Gerrard all his life, but this man was much older than Ben had ever seen him. Gerrard smiled at him, a patently insincere smile that was rather chilling. "Hello Ben."

"Hello, Sir." Ben watched the other man warily. Gerrard wasn't just older; he'd changed. It made Ben's skin crawl to see the cynical smirk on his face.

Ray grabbed his arm. "Don't talk to him, Benny. This is the bastard that had your father killed."

It couldn't be true. This man had been like an uncle to him when he was a child, and was his father's friend. Gerrard's smirk grew more pronounced. "Is it true, Sir? Did you have Dad killed?" Ben's voice came out sounding weak and pathetic.

The smirk disappeared to be replaced by an even more insincere look of sympathy. "What's wrong Ben? Losing your faith in human nature?"

Ray pushed Ben aside with a curse and strode across the room. He grabbed Gerrard by the front of his shirt and shoved him up against the wall. "Tell him, you bastard. Tell him how you killed his father to save your own miserable hide, and then tried to kill Benny as well."

"Benny. How sweet, Detective. How protective you are of your... friend." Gerrard smirked again. "Doesn't it warm your heart Ben?"

Ben couldn't answer, though he thought he managed to keep the shock and pain off his face. Ray glanced back over his shoulder and with a last shove, released Gerrard and came back to him. "Come on Benny." He took Ben's arm and led him back through the door.

*

They weren't in the Consulate any more. Ben didn't recognise this place either, but that didn't concern him right now. Ray took one look at him and pulled him into a firm embrace.

"Geez, Benny, I'm sorry you had to hear that."

He sobbed, once, and then got control of himself, but he didn't move away. How could a man he'd known and admired all his life have changed so drastically? Gerrard had killed his father, and tried to kill him? None of it made any sense. Suddenly, he desperately wanted this dream to be over. He wanted his life to be what it had been before he'd woken on the tundra... except that, according to Ray, this _was_ his life.

Perhaps he ought to move away. He only had Ray's word that they were friends, and he was learning that even friends couldn't necessarily be trusted. But Ray's hand was stroking his hair lightly and it felt too good to lose. None of his family had ever held him like that, not since his mother died.

A loud burst of squabbling voices came from the next room, making him start. Ray's grip loosened a little and Ben stepped back. Ray's eyes were watching him with some concern. Ray's hand came up to cup his cheek for a moment. "Are you OK, Benny?"

Ben nodded quickly and brushed his fingers across wet lashes. "Yes, Ray. Thank you." He looked nervously towards the partly open door. "Do you know what's in there? Or, rather, who?"

Ray looked at him with amused exasperation. "My family." He grinned suddenly. "You survived being introduced to them once. I guess you'll survive this time too. Just watch out for Frannie."

"Frannie?"

"My sister." Ray caught his arm and led him towards the door. "You remember I said women like you? Well, Frannie _really_ likes you."

"Oh dear." Ben held back. "Are you sure..."

"Hey, you're the one who said we're meant to be here, right?" Ray seemed more amused than concerned.

Ben nodded reluctantly. "I suppose so."

Inside the room there were half a dozen people of varying ages. An elderly woman, Ray's mother, he soon discovered, bustled over and made him sit at the dinner table, then proceeded to heap a plate with food and place it in front of him. He looked at Ray rather helplessly, but Ray only shrugged.

"So Benton..." The speaker was a young, dark-haired woman. "Have you been busy at the Consulate? We haven't seen you for such a _long_ time."

The best response Ben could manage was a strangled 'yes'. He never had been any good at lying, and there was something rather disturbing about the expression in the young woman's eyes. Ben guessed that this must be the 'Frannie' that Ray had mentioned.

Luckily, Ray's mother intervened and Frannie subsided. It felt strange to be sitting here with these people, who obviously knew him well, when he didn't know any of them. Still, it was unexpectedly pleasant to know that there were so many people who cared about him, both here and at the Precinct.

Ben applied himself to clearing his plate, with only marginal success. There was enough there to feed an army. Dinner in Ray's household was a rather bewildering event, he gradually discovered. Unlike his grandparents' almost silent dinners, Ray's family seemed to prefer to conduct several conversations at a time, all at full volume, throughout the meal. Ben  
wondered how any of them ever managed to eat a thing. It would certainly explain why Ray was so slender...

Eventually though, Ben became restless and Ray, glancing across at him, lifted an eyebrow and stood. "We gotta go now, Ma. I'll see ya  
later."

He kissed his mother on the cheek as he passed her, and Ben, seeing her tilt her head expectantly, did the same, then blushed furiously. It was a relief to walk out the door.

*

They were back in the Consulate. Unconsciously, Ben moved closer to Ray. He didn't want to see Gerrard again. Just the thought of it made him feel sick. But the door they'd gone through earlier was wide open, and, risking a look, Ben saw that there was nobody inside the office.

Ray had checked too. He grinned at Ben. "So, what d'ya think of my family, Benny?"

"They were... I mean... uh, they're very welcoming, Ray. Do I visit them often?"

"Oh yeah, we often have dinner at home. You're like a part of the family. Except as far as Frannie's concerned." Ray's eyes glinted strangely.

"Oh." Ben stared at him, at a loss. He had the feeling there was a lot that Ray wasn't telling him, and it made him anxious. Perhaps, after all, there were good reasons for him not to want to wake. He might have questioned Ray further, but another door opened and a woman came out, holding a sheaf of files.

"Oh, Fraser, there you are. Have you finished the report yet?" Her voice was sharp.

"Ah..." Ben blushed, unable to lie to her, even though he had no idea what report she was talking about.

She gave an impatient sigh. "Det. Vecchio, I'd really appreciate it if you'd allow my staff to get on with their work."

"Sure, Inspector. Benny's just helping me with a case." Ray's face took on an innocent expression. "It's got a Canadian connection. Honest. Missing person."

The Inspector looked sceptical. "Well, all right then." She placed the files on the desk and turned back to her office. "Where  _is_ Turnbull, anyway? He's never around when I need him."

"Turnbull?" Ben looked at Ray enquiringly.

Ray rolled his eyes. "Don't ask."

Ben turned around, looking for something that might explain why he was here, but there was nothing obvious. "Ray? Why do you think we're here?"

"Ah... well..." Ray looked uncomfortable. "It could be the Dragon Lady."

"The... oh, you mean Inspector Thatcher?" Ben blushed.

"Yeah. The two of you had something going for a while." Ray scowled.

"Oh." Ben tried to imagine anything of a romantic nature happening between him and this irritable seeming woman. He failed miserably. "Perhaps we should go now."

A big grin split Ray's face and his eyes twinkled suddenly. "No argument there, Benny."

*

They walked through the doorway into a vast, dark, echoing space. Ben had no idea what it was at first, until the glint of light off metal railway tracks caught his eye. Ray was still standing just inside the entrance.

"Ray?" Ben turned back to him and was shocked by the change he saw. Ray seemed almost shrunken, his face down-turned and miserable.

Ray's green eyes lifted to meet his. "I'm sorry, Benny. I didn't want this." His voice was almost unrecognisable.

"What's wrong?" He was starting to feel frightened. Ray didn't seem to be the kind of man who would be easily upset "What happened here?"

"Victoria happened here." Ray looked over his shoulder at something behind him.

"Hello Ben." Her voice was the kind of voice he might have dreamed of, but the expression on Ray's face was a mixture of fear, and hate... and something else that Ben couldn't identify. He turned.

Victoria was as beautiful as her voice. Ben stared at her, transfixed. Her smile was beautiful, too, but with a brittle edge to it.

"Didn't he tell you about me, Ben?" Ben shook his head wordlessly. The smile hardened further. "Well that's hardly surprising, I suppose. Ask him what happened, Ben."

He turned back to Ray. His friend stared back at him without speaking. Even in the dim light, Ben could see how pale he was. "Ray? What happened?"

"You met her years ago. Before you came to Chicago. She was involved in a bank robbery in Alaska, and you arrested her."

Ben half turned to look at Victoria.

"You shouldn't have done that Ben. You said so yourself." She smiled again, and Ben shivered, only partly from desire. "After I was released I came to look for you, but _he_ came between us."

"You tried to send us both to prison. You killed your accomplice, and set us up to take the fall." Ray's voice was raised in protest. Victoria simply smiled.

"I had to get him free from you. From anything that would have stopped Ben from coming with me." Victoria turned to Ben. "He shot you in the back, Ben. He'd rather kill you than let you go with me. That's the kind of friend _he_ is. Everything I did, I did so we could be together."

For a moment Ben couldn't move, or think. Ray was standing silent at his side. It couldn't be true... but somehow, he knew it was... the worst betrayal of all. He looked at Ray,  remembering the other man's reaction when he'd mentioned the missing scar on his back. It had to be true.

He glanced again at Victoria, and was chilled by the triumphant smile on her face. "Ray?" His voice was pleading, but Ray didn't answer.

"You should have let him come with me, Ray. He'll never really forgive you, no matter how much you try to fool yourself into thinking otherwise."

Ray stirred at last. His voice, when he spoke, sounded defeated. "Benny, I never meant to hit you. I was aiming at her. She had a gun, I swear it. I thought she was going to kill you."

"I didn't have a gun. Ben took it off me." Victoria's voice was completely calm. "You _wanted_ to kill him."

"No!"

"You _wanted_ to stop him. You would have lost your house, would have gone to jail. You hated him for loving me more than you."

Ben looked at Ray, shocked beyond measure at her words. "Is that true, Ray? Why would you have lost everything? I don't understand."

"I mortgaged the house for your bail." Ray shrugged apathetically.

"If you'd come with me, he would have lost it. That's why he shot you." Victoria put her hand on Ben's arm. "He's no real friend, believe me."

Ben pulled away from her. "You would have lost your house? And, knowing that, I was still going to leave with her?" He couldn't believe it. "Ray, is that true? How could you ever forgive me?"

Ray blinked at him suddenly. "Forgive you? Benny, I _shot_ you..."

"Ben!" Victoria's voice became imperious. "Forget him. He doesn't matter. He doesn't love you like I do."

"No. You would never forgive me for doing something like that to you." Ben didn't take his eyes off Ray.

The faint glimmer of a smile crossed Ray's lips. "You can say that again."

Ben looked at him questioningly. "Why should I, Ray?"

"Oh, Benny..." Ray started to laugh.

He was barely aware of the sound of Victoria's footsteps as they retreated into the distance. Ray stared at him and he smiled. "Can we go now?"

"Sure." They turned back towards the doorway through which they'd entered. Ray's arm settled comfortably across his shoulders in a brief hug, then dropped away. "Let's hope the next place is better than this."

*

It was a large, bare room. Ben looked around. He liked it. It was shabby and old, but meticulously clean, and sparsely furnished. Then he caught sight of his father's trunk. He swallowed a sudden lump in his throat.

"It's your apartment, Benny." Ray stood close, just behind his right shoulder.

"Ray." He turned. They were almost touching. "I have to ask you..." If only he knew how to begin. He could feel the heat rising in his face.

"What, Benny?" Ray was smiling slightly.

"Are we..." Ben took a deep breath. "Are we... more than just friends?"

Green eyes searched his face, and then Ray nodded, once. The tension he'd been feeling only a moment ago drained away and Ben swayed. A hand on his bare shoulder steadied him and he flinched. He'd forgotten about being naked.

"Does that bother you, Benny?" Ray sounded concerned.

Ben shook his head, but couldn't find a word to say. It seemed that none would be necessary. Ray touched his cheek, lightly, and he leaned instinctively against the long fingers. Ray smiled again.

A low growl from behind him made Ben flinch again, and he turned to see a white wolf/dog hybrid staring up at him. Ray's amused voice came from behind him.

"That's Diefenbaker. He's your wolf."

"My _wolf_?" Ben stared down at the wolf, then, remembering that staring was a sign of aggression, averted his eyes hastily. "He lives with me in Chicago?"

"Yeah. And he's addicted to junk food." Ray's warm hands closed lightly over his shoulders. "Beat it, Dief. I'll get you some jelly donuts later."

The wolf growled and moved away, slipping through the partly open window and onto the fire escape outside.

Ben turned back to Ray. "Jelly donuts?"

Ray shrugged. "He likes them. Now, what were we talking about?"

"Ah..." Ben blushed. With a soft chuckle, Ray leaned forward and touched his lips briefly to Ben's.

Ben could feel his eyes widening, his heartbeat accelerating slightly. He'd been kissed before, by girls, but it had never felt like that. His tongue flickered uncertainly across his lower lip and Ray grinned disturbingly. They stood staring at each other for a few seconds, and Ben realised he'd have to make the next move. He leaned forward a little, his eyes closing.

This time the kiss was subtly different. More serious. Ray's lips moulded themselves against his, and after a while Ben felt them part and the tip of Ray's tongue brush against his own lips. He parted them obediently and the gentle caress continued, gradually deepening into something sensuous and a little frightening. He'd never felt such intensity in a kiss. When they parted he was shaking.

Ray's hands slid down his arms, soothing and caressing him. The green eyes watched him tenderly. "Are you OK, Benny?"

"Yes." His voice sounded rather breathless, but Ben ignored Ray's chuckle and leaned in again.

This time Ray began to drop tender little kisses over his face and Ben sighed with pleasure and relief. The closely cropped head lowered slightly and Ben's earlobe was gently sucked. It sent a thrill through his body and he felt a distinct tightening in his groin. He moved closer to Ray, embarrassed and wanting to hide his growing arousal.

Eventually, it occurred to Ben's rather dazed mind that Ray was doing all the work. He lifted his hands hesitantly and stroked the short hair on the back of Ray's head. He'd expected it to be bristly, but in fact it was quite delightfully soft and ticklish. Ray lifted his head again and Ben met his mouth eagerly.

He was feeling a host of new sensations, from the slow, sensuous exploration of his mouth to the silky caress of Ray's shirt against his skin. He vacillated between nervousness and pleasure, but when Ray's long fingers began to stoke his back, Ben shuddered and pressed still closer.

The kiss ended, but Ben didn't move away. Ray grinned at him and stepped back a fraction. "Relax, Benny. It isn't anything I haven't seen before."

"Oh!" Ben blushed and couldn't help looking down between their bodies to where his penis drooped heavily against his thigh. He looked up again into Ray's amused face. "I suppose not."

Ray looked into his eyes for a long moment. "What do you want, Benny? Tell me."

The question startled Ben. He was more used to being told what to do, than asked what he wanted. He glanced nervously at the bed, only a few feet away. "I... ah..."

Ray's eyes followed his gaze. "Are you sure?"

Ben nodded decisively. He was here to find out about his life. This was part of it. And an ache, deep in his belly, told him that he would have wanted this anyway. Ray's fingers twined with his, and he followed his lover to the bed.

If he'd had any doubts about this, Ray's gentleness would have easily allayed them. Ben sank down onto the bed and watched as Ray casually undressed. He was used to the occasional display of bare flesh, in the sweat lodges, and swimming with his friends. But none of them had dark, silky looking chest hair or pale olive skin, where the sun hadn't touched. Still, it was nothing out of the ordinary, Ben told himself. Only, when Ray finally dropped his briefs, Ben found himself staring, fascinated, at the other man's penis, dark and heavily engorged. He looked up again to see Ray's knowing smile, but Ray said nothing. A moment later Ray was lying beside him, hands drawing him into a loose embrace.

"Relax, Benny. I guess we've got as long as we need." Ray's lips grazed against his ear, breath warm on his skin. "So why don't you just lie back and let me do this, huh?"

"All right, Ray." It seemed like a good idea to Ben. After all, his experience in this area was less than zero.

That turned out to be a very wise decision. Nothing Ben had ever experienced, or read about, had been adequate preparation for this. He relaxed, his eyes closed, as Ray trailed slow, sweet kisses over his face and down his throat. A soft moist caress along his jugular made him shiver appreciatively. Pleasure made him light-headed, and gradually dispelled his nervousness. Then Ray's hands began to drift lightly over his body.

His breathing deepened, became ragged. The brush of a finger against his nipple had his body almost arching off the bed, and his penis lifting, hard and aching, from his belly. He heard a soft laugh and Ray dropped a kiss over the sensitive nipple. Ben groaned aloud, unbearably aroused now.

"Geez, Benny. I'd forgotten what it was like to be eighteen." There was no mistaking the love in Ray's voice, belying any possible criticism.

"Please, Ray..." Ben moaned helplessly, too overwhelmed to be coherent. A light touch on his penis almost sent him out of control, then the shaft was gripped firmly just blow the glans. Ben relaxed with a sigh as the pressure in his groin eased.

"Better?"

He nodded gratefully. This time Ben watched as Ray began to lay a trail of kisses down his body. He suspected that Ray would have liked to take longer, but once again the stimulation was rapidly becoming too intense for him. Ray reached his belly, heaving with every laboured breath he took, and glanced up at Ben's face before placing a kiss lightly on the tip of his penis.

"Ohhhh..." Ben's hand slid over Ray's head, pressing it down again. He felt a wash of hot breath as Ray laughed softly and then the caress of his tongue. His hips lifted to meet the delicate touch and Ray laughed again, then parted his lips and drew the trembling penis into his mouth.

Shudders raced through him, and he knew that nothing could hold him back now. His hips were plunging wildly, but Ray's hands steadied him, guiding him into more controlled thrusts. The pounding in his head, his chest and his groin reached an unbearable peak and exploded dizzyingly, leaving him weak in the aftermath.

He drifted back to awareness in Ray's arms. Never in his life had Ben felt so completely drained, or so wonderfully contented. He listened to Ray's heartbeat, a little too rapid and relished the faint tickle of chest hair against his cheek. When he had the strength, Ben lifted his head to look at his lover.

Ray seemed relaxed enough, but a quick glance confirmed that Ray was still aroused. Ben wondered exactly what he should do about it. He looked at Ray's face, and they exchanged an intimate smile. He began to explore Ray's chest somewhat gingerly, afraid of making a false move, but Ray encouraged him with soft moans of pleasure, and the occasional instruction.

The different textures of Ray's body were quite intoxicating to someone who'd never in his wildest imaginings considered making love with a man. Ray's nipples were, he found, quite delightfully crinkly. He kissed one experimentally and Ray seemed to like it. The hand stroking Ben's back faltered a little. Encouraged, Ben sucked a little harder. He soon forgot his uncertainty, and Ray didn't seem to mind his inexperience. Soon Ben was lost in his explorations, only surfacing occasionally to share newfound sensations with his bemused and amused lover.

It was really quite impressive, the way Ray was able to control his arousal, Ben thought. Though, now that he was face to face (so to speak) with the evidence of it, Ben found himself suddenly very uncertain. There was no doubt about the fact that Ray's penis was quite beautiful, darkly flushed and wet with pre-ejaculate, but Ben didn't think he'd be able to do for Ray what Ray had done for him. He brushed a tentative forefinger along the dark line of hair running downwards from Ray's umbilicus and contemplated his dilemma.

He glanced up at Ray's flushed face. "Is it all right... uh... may I touch your penis, Ray?"

"My what?" Ray grinned at him. "You mean my cock, Benny?"

Ben considered the new word. Cock. He liked the sound of it, the way it rolled off Ray's tongue so easily. He smiled brilliantly at Ray. "May I touch your cock, Ray?"

"Any time, Benny." Ray waved an airy hand in the direction of his groin.

He ran his fingertips lightly down the length of the dark shaft, wondering whether Ray would be unbearably disappointed if he couldn't perform fellatio. No doubt Ray would have some other name for it. The thought of even asking Ray was quite intimidating.

A sigh of pleasure told him to continue and he began to stroke the hard shaft eagerly. It wasn't long before Ray was showing signs of losing control. His hips began to move in an unconscious rhythm, sliding his cock against Ben's palm. The smooth flexing of his muscles was beautiful to see. Ben was becoming aroused again, simply from watching him. He  
pressed against Ray's body and Ray turned his head to grin distractedly at him.

"God, Benny, not _already_!" Ray laughed breathlessly, and then groaned. "Oh, God..." His hand came down over Ben's, closing his fingers around the shaft and Ray's hips lifted in  
one last, endless thrust.

Fierce contractions beat against his hand as semen flooded in hot spurts over his fingers and across Ray's belly. With a last heartfelt groan Ray went completely limp and lay panting beside him. Shaken, Ben lay down beside him again, his own arousal forgotten for the moment. He could feel the sticky fluid on his fingers, could smell it in the air. Cautiously, the way Quinn had taught him to do, Ben touched the tip of his tongue to the ejaculate.

It tasted uniquely of Ray, he supposed. He'd tasted his own ejaculate once, but that had been quite different. Ben sat up and looked at the pearly spatters on Ray's still heaving belly. He bent his head over his lover and began, slowly, to lick him clean.

*

It was hours later, though the angle of the sun on the wall hadn't changed at all. Ben drifted out of a sweet, sensuous dream to find himself lying in Ray's arms. This was better than any dream. Except that it _was_ a dream. It would become impossibly confusing if he let it, so Ben firmly pushed the thought aside.

A restless tickle inside his mind told Ben it was almost time to move on. He quelled the impulse to deny what he knew to be true. He would have gladly stayed here forever, safe from the pain, emotional and physical, that awaited him in the future. With Ray. But that was impossible, and he knew it.

He withdrew from Ray's loose embrace with extraordinary care, but Ray woke anyway. His lover's face was unusually serious.

"It's time, isn't it?" The green eyes mirrored every emotion, Ben had discovered.

He nodded. "Yes, I think so. Soon, anyway."

The corners of Ray's eyes crinkled. "Then we've still got time to fool around a bit."

"I suppose so." Ben grinned, his mood lightening immediately.

He went willingly as Ray pulled him over on top of the slender, wiry body. His cock hardened instantly and Ray groaned. "What am I gonna do with you Benny?"

"Whatever you like Ray." Ben lowered his head to suck on a dark, crinkled nipple and began to move his hips slowly against Ray's hardly less turgid cock.

Ray laughed breathlessly and responded with an upward thrust of his hips. "Oh _God_ , I love you."

The words sent a shock through him. He couldn't remember anyone actually saying that to him, though he knew well enough that his father and grandparents loved him. "Do you Ray?"

"Yeah, of course I do... Benny?" Ray stared up at him anxiously. "What did I say?"

"Nothing." Ben managed a smile. "It's just..." he changed what he'd been about to say, "...I think I love you too."

Ray stroked his cheek. "Sure you do." He smiled lazily, but his eyes were intent. "At least, you will, one day."

"It's a long way away." Suddenly, Ben couldn't meet Ray's eyes.

He began to move again, and Ray obligingly allowed himself to be distracted. It didn't take long for the sensations to overpower them both, and they lay quietly, enjoying their last moments together. When the restlessness inside him became too intense to be denied, Ben rolled off the bed and fetched a cloth from the kitchen. He wiped himself down, then went back  
to the bed and did the same for Ray.

The silence between them became less than comfortable. Ray was watching Ben closely, but clearly wasn't going to ask the obvious question and Ben had no intention of answering it. He wasn't sure he _could_ answer it.

Ray smiled up at him suddenly, and swung his legs off the bed. They stood face to face for a moment, and Ray wrapped his long arms around Ben, drawing him close. "It's all right, love. Whatever you decide. OK?"

Ben nodded, his eyes suddenly filling with tears. He clung to Ray for a moment, then stepped back, holding out a hand. "Come on, Ray."

They walked through the apartment door hand in hand, onto the veranda that looked out over the path he'd followed to get here. None of the other houses were visible now, nor anything else. After a moment's hesitation, Ben led Ray down the steps, still holding his hand.

"So, this is it?" Ray squeezed his hand slightly, then released it.

"Yes." The sound of a raven squawking made him turn his head. When he looked back, Ray was gone. Ben turned, but the house was gone too. There was nothing in view but the almost endless tundra.

He began to walk aimlessly, knowing there was nowhere he needed to go. It was time to make his decision. Stay here, where he was safe, or go back. Back to pain and heartbreak and loss. And unexpected friendships in a strange city. And Ray.

*

After a bright spring day in the Territories, this dim light shouldn't hurt his eyes, but it did. Ben flinched and closed them tightly. That hurt too. A lot of things hurt, he realised. He heard a faint rustling of clothing to his left, and a hand touched his. Ray?

It came out as a croak and after a moment something moist and cool touched his lips. He ran a dry tongue over them and felt a little better. His body ached abominably though. Ben tried to escape back into the dream, but it eluded him.

"Come on, Ben. Buck up." His father's voice broke through the haze. Ben frowned. Wasn't his father dead? Ray had told him... "Wake up son. You've slept long enough."

Dad sounded worried, underneath the bracing tone. Ben forced his eyes to open to slits, briefly. That was all he could manage. Ray and the dream receded, and Ben chased them both. He didn't want this pain, or the loss of what he'd felt with Ray, but it was impossible now to remember his voice distinctly, or his face. It was the wrong time. Ray wasn't now. Ray was the future. Reluctantly, Ben let go of the memories and opened his eyes again.

*

It was morning. The fifth morning of a seemingly endless vigil. Ray yawned and stretched, trying to ease the kinks in his back. Five nights in a hospital chair did weird and painful things to his back. And not only his back... that had been one _hell_ of a strange dream.

In the high bed, Benny was just as unmoving as he had been since they'd put him there. Ray stretched one last time and wandered over to check. He'd done this so many times in the last five days, and each time it got harder. He didn't know what he'd do if Benny didn't wake. The doctors said he would, but Ray no longer put much faith in them. None of them could tell him why Benny wouldn't wake.

The bruising on his face was starting to turn yellow now, and the swelling had gone down quite a bit. If he woke, he'd probably be able to open his eyes. Ray touched the side of his mouth that wasn't swollen and thought about kissing him. Sleeping Beauty. He grinned a little at the thought of how Benny would blush and stammer at that. But then, he was nobody's Prince Charming. Except maybe, Benny's.

A faint sigh, and a tightening of the bruised eyelids, made Ray's heart race. He leaned over the otherwise still figure, putting his hand over Ben's. "Benny? Come on, love. You've slept long enough."

Ben's eyelids lifted slightly and closed again. He made a faint croaking noise that might have been Ray's name. Or maybe it was just a croak. Anxiously, Ray wiped a damp cloth across Ben's lips, and the tip of his tongue came out to taste the moisture. Ben's eyes opened.

"Oh God, Benny..." Ray bent over and kissed the pale cheek, between the bruises. The hand under his gripped his fingers feebly.

"Ray?"

"You better believe it, lover." Relief flooded him, making him shake with reaction. "About time you woke up."

*

Dief had stolen the chair again. That was OK, because it meant that Ray could perch on the edge of the bed and hold Benny's hand where the nursing staff couldn't see. After two days Benny was looking a _lot_ better, but Ray still hadn't completely thrown off the nagging worry of the preceding five days. Or the memories of that dream.

Ben was watching him curiously, and Ray realised he hadn't said a thing in over five minutes. He took a deep breath. "Ya know, that morning you woke? I had the weirdest dream about us."

"About us, Ray?" Ben looked at him quizzically, then blushed. "You mean..." his voiced trailed off.

Ray shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah. Kinda." He took another deep breath. "I mean, there was _that_ , sure, but there was other stuff as well."

It wasn't easy to describe the dream in words that made sense. Impossible to get across the way it had felt, at least, that's what he thought until Benny eventually interrupted him.

"It was a spirit journey, and you were my guide." Ben's face was intent and distracted at the same time. "Ray, I remember that dream."

"Whaaat? Benny, you can't..." Ray stopped at the look on his lover's face. He sure didn't believe in all that stuff, but it wouldn't do any good to say so. "You had the same dream as me, at the same time? Benny that's... well, it's kinda hard to believe. Maybe..." unfortunately, he couldn't think of any reasonable explanation to offer.

"Oh no, I didn't have it two days ago, Ray." Ben looked up at him and smiled dazzlingly. "It was eighteen years ago. I'd forgotten it, until you reminded me."

Now that was just plain crazy, but then the medication Benny was on probably accounted for it. Ray kept his voice patient. "Benny, you didn't  _know_ me eighteen years ago. How could you have dreamed about me?"

"I did, Ray. You were wearing that purple and tan silk shirt, and the dark pants." Ben frowned slightly. "You forgot to mention Victoria. We spoke to her, too."

He hadn't forgotten, he'd just had no intention at all of mentioning her name. This was way beyond weird. This was scary. He couldn't think of anything that would explain Benny knowing these things.

Ben's hand tightened on his. "The circumstances were very similar, you know, Ray. I'd been beaten quite badly. Do you remember? I told you about it once."

He had to think hard, and then he had it. "You mean that hunting party? The ones you said clubbed you repeatedly? I thought you were yanking my chain."

"Oh, no, I was quite serious, Ray. That's how I got these scars on my face. I also had my leg broken, and several ribs and my right arm. I was unconscious for five days then, too."

"You were eighteen then?" Ray swore under his breath, remembering the beautiful, untouched perfection of the boy in his dream. "I'd like to get my hands on those bastards."

Ben smiled faintly and stroked his thumb across the back of Ray's hand. "That was a long time ago, Ray."

He hardly noticed, still busy puzzling over the meaning of the dream. "But, if you had that dream then, why didn't you know me when we met?"

"I think I did, Ray, subconsciously. I don't usually make friends as readily as I did with you."

"Yeah?" Ray straightened his spine suddenly and looked his lover in the eye, trying to hide the thrill of pleasure he felt. "Love at first sight, huh?"

"Well, not exactly first sight, Ray." Ben's voice was amused. "We got off to a rather bad start, as I recall. And, of course, it didn't occur to me that we might become lovers for quite a while.  
Not until after Victoria."

After Victoria. Ray frowned and slumped again. He wondered: "When was it, Benny? When you first knew?"

"That we were friends?" Ray nodded and Ben smiled at him. "It was in the diner, the night you invited me to your house for the first time."

Ohhh... Ray remembered that moment. Very well. He grinned. "I kinda knew then too." Only it had been a lot more than friendship he'd felt. He'd never known until that moment that a man's forearms could be such a turn on.

Ben was watching him curiously, but he wasn't going to admit to _that,_ not if he could help it. "So what was it Benny? 'Coz it sure wasn't my good looks and charm."

"Ray, I wish you wouldn't... wouldn't denigrate yourself in that way." Ben sighed and shifted his position. Ray resisted the urge to fuss over him. "I don't know if I can really explain it.  
I'd been alone for so long, I'd got used to not having any friends, and Dad... well, we didn't see much of each other. Then he was dead and I had literally no-one. Except for Dief, of course."

Ray tightened his grip on Ben's hand and remained uncharacteristically silent.

"I think it was as though I'd put up a wall, keeping people out. I didn't mean to do it, but there it was, and I didn't know how to... to come out from behind it." Ben lowered his eyes to their  
linked hands. "You simply walked in and joined me. It was as though you belonged there. And then you led me out."

Ray found himself blinking rapidly. Suddenly their hands seemed to be of intense interest to both of them. He managed a weak smile. "So..." he cleared his throat of an inexplicable lump. Must have been that lousy hospital cafeteria donut. He should have given it to Dief. "So, it's kinda like we were meant to be together, huh, Benny?"

"Kinda like that. Yes, Ray."

He looked up to see his lover's eyes watching him rather yearningly. Up till now they'd been pretty discreet, nothing more than holding hands when nobody was watching. It wasn't as if nobody knew about them. The whole damn hospital probably knew after the fuss he'd made when Benny was brought in.

Ray hitched his butt up alongside of his lover and twisted around, lifting his legs up onto the bed so they were side by side, leaning back against the pillows. He was still dangerously close to the edge. "Hey, shift over, will ya? How am I supposed to kiss you like this?"

 


End file.
